It has always fascinated me how life is full of circles. A seemingly endless pattern of moments returning full circle to a familiar situation or event. These moments have been fairly recurrent for me and each one gaining more power and momentum than the last. It has provided many challenges along the way to say the least and as my mum frequently says with amusement “your life is never dull!”
No matter what has come my way I was fortunate to have a vast reserve of resilience which I am very grateful for. I have always been an optimist and this was severely put to the test during the years without my two lovely children. But even in those very dark years I held onto a vision that one day they would return. After a six year wait that seemed an eternity, they returned.
Although I didn’t realise it at the time, having a vision has always been a hugely influential part of my life. Without a goal I would never have achieved most of things I have. I’m talking both about the good aspects and the bad! As whatever we put out there, whatever our desire is, whether we are conscious of asking or not, we always attract back to us what we put out! When I was 8 years old my parents took me to a concert and from that moment I knew I wanted to be a violinist. The feeling was so powerful that there was just no alternative. I held that vision in my mind and some years later graduated from the Royal Academy. I must have realised even at 8 years old that the violin was a soul connection and a means of expressing what was deep within me.
Some years later another chapter opened and I discovered a passion for acupuncture and Chinese medicine. At the time I found myself in rather a tricky situation where to be honest I thought things couldn’t get much worse. However I was determined to transform my life and after reading a book by Napoleon Hill, felt inspired to write down my goals! So diligently I began to put down what I dreamed of becoming. This included acupuncturist, herbalist and massage practitioner. As so often happens the daily reading of my goals became weekly and then every now and again! Bringing two lively 5 year old twins up on my own in those years proved somewhat distracting! Some years later I rediscovered the carefully typed out goal setting targets I had made. Much to my surprise I had achieved all of my goals! The fact that I wrote them down set in motion the events leading to their fulfilment!
At that point I still hadn’t realised the huge transformative power that having a vision or a burning desire actually held. One mustn’t forget that alongside these positive results, were some very traumatic events as well and I had no idea that both were linked. Both good and not so good events came from the same source, Me. My attitude then was that life was hard and kind of sucked to be honest. It felt like I was rudderless and at the mercy of life. Finally, I realised, with some very timely guidance that I attracted in to me not only the good things that I achieved but also the painful events as well.
I found out that not only was I putting out a message of aspiration to be a violinist but I was also sending out another quite damaging message altogether. I was completely unaware of this other vision of myself. This one was based on a complete lack of self belief, confidence and love. This one was based on fear and expectation of failure and lack.
And it is no surprise in looking back that I encountered many events and people that reflected this hidden inner vision as well.
The day I finally realised the enormity of owning my inner vision was a turning point. I began to listen to what I was actually putting out to the universe through my thoughts, feelings or actions. I became more and more aware of the negative patterns of conditioning and adaption and in touch with the inner reality of my thoughts and feelings so that they could clear and start to heal. It does require constant work, listening all the time, owning 100% of one’s reactivity and not projecting it out onto something or someone else. The work is always to try and extend the moments of full non judgemental awareness increasingly until one day it is a constant state of mindful awareness. This type of work is tough but ever so rewarding!
I have set new goals for myself and am excited by knowing that by doing the work, continually monitoring my inner world of thoughts and feelings I can find the flow of life that will draw me ever closer to my goal.
I would love to hear your goals now!